I am a health teacher. I think if you talk to anyone who knows me, they would agree that I have spent my life taking it seriously. I may have taken it a bit too serious at times, but I believe that I have spent my life really trying to make healthy decisions in my academics, sports, professional life, social life and health. I can genuinely look back and have no regrets. I look at a lot of students today and ask myself how was I different from some of these students who might get wrapped up in a bad situation. I do not believe I was any tougher of a person than the next, but I do believe I did one thing pretty well. I surrounded myself with the right people. You may not find a group of people who are the right people for you, but if you can find even 1 or 2 people that harvest the characteristics of a true friend, then you are all set. Below are 5 characteristics that you want those who surround you to have.

SPEAK LIFE- Words are a powerful thing. Every sentence you utter to another person has the ability to lift them up or tear them down. Think about it. Is what your saying to someone something that makes you look better and belittles the other person or is it bringing them up, encouraging and motivating or inspiring another person? Is it information that is for their benefit? Are you making fun of them in front of other people? Is it gossip to tear down another person? Be careful what you say. Words are powerful. Think about the last conversation you had with a friend. What was said? Were there instances where you can pinpoint what you said? I find that gossip and talking down to another person is a cheap way of finding connection with another person. Find something different to talk about. Find content that actually has substance to it. It’ll stimulate higher level thinking and help to prevent yourself from getting sucked into feeling like you need to keep up an image.

GENUINE LOVE- I have been fortunate enough to be surrounded but those that have my best interest at heart. They understand that if I’m not comfortable with something, that I will not do it and they are OK with that fact. They want me to reach my highest potential and I do not feel bad or left out if my decision is different from theirs. Throughout college it was my choice not to drink alcohol. You’d think that would be impossible at a small college, but it was actually really easy for me. I never felt as though I was left out because of my decisions. I do not regret a thing. If I was not surrounded by people who accepted me in my decision or made me feel weird or awkward, I am not sure if I would have been as firm in my decision.

HARD TRUTH- Do you have friends that are “yes” friends or friends that simply tell you something because it’s what you want to hear? I have those too. Those are the friends that make you feel good no matter what the circumstance, even if they don’t agree with what you are doing deep down in their gut. A really good friend, however, will give you the hard and fast truth even if its something that is difficult to say and is something that you don’t want to hear. This person is a true friend. They know that whatever you are doing or are involved in is not right and they love you enough to tell you the truth. They do not want to see you make a bad choice. They want to warn you of the consequences so that you are not blindsided when they come about. Although it is difficult to hear sometimes, I would rather have someone who has my best interest at heart and is not afraid to tell me the truth even when it hurts.

POSITIVE VIBES- Do you have those people that hate to go to practice and complain when the game does not get rained out? Do you ever wonder to yourself why they even play softball if they do not enjoy going to practice or games? I try to stay FAR AWAY from those people. Don’t get me wrong, they are still my teammates and I still want to respect them and make them feel included, but these are not the people that I want to have around me a lot. It is so easy to get sucked into negativity, especially when you are tired or emotionally drained. Keep your guard up and surround yourself with those that are excited to play and want to be where they are. Surround yourself with those that have joy in all they do. That is also contagious and way more fun. I’d rather be satisfied with my life and what I do and stay away from the negativity.

INDEPENDENT- Although I do not know what I would do without my friends, it is so important to maintain independence in friendships. I see many people become dependent on other friends and seem lost when they have to do something without that person. I find so much comfort in the fact that I might not talk to some of my friends for a week or a month because of a busy season in my life and we can pick up right where we left off after. No hard feelings and complete understanding. Some of my closest high school friends and I get together once every other month and are still the closest of friends.I am proud of the fact that each of us are strong, independent woman with successful careers and beautiful families. We understand each other’s priorities and support each other in our endeavors even if it means we might not see each other for a while.

SHARED VALUES- It is very important to align yourself with people who share the same values as you. This might be an extreme circumstance, but if you are surrounding yourself with friends that smoke pot, it will most likely only be a matter of time before you are doing the same. I understand this is not always the case, but you become who you hang out with. Your thoughts are influenced by their opinions and beliefs. If you want whats best for yourself, surround yourself with those who are GREAT people and have values you wish to emulate. Do not get me wrong, this does not mean that you should shut everyone else out of your life, but those who are closest to you should be those that have the values you have in order to be influenced in the right way.

You attract what you are. If you have trouble finding people with these characteristics it might be because you aren’t emulating them yourself. Reflect back on what you say to others, the demeanor you have, or if you smile and say hello to people. You want to be around people who lift others up. Those people want the same. Take a step back and look at your life. Your vibe attracts your tribe.